But underneath these seemingly trivial things can lie much deeper and more significant concerns.  It may be that one person in the relationship is carrying the burden of trying to reduce the conflict. They've brought up the issues repeatedly, perhaps with different words or approaches, only to feel that their partner is still not truly hearing or understanding them.

Over time these difficult feelings can really start to impact the relationship and create disconnection, anger and maybe even the desire to leave the relationship.

Making Changes

The dynamic in a relationship can be likened to a dance or a tennis match, with familiar steps and patterns.    In order to shift the pattern, it is necessary to change the steps of the dance or to hit the ball with less force.  To be less concerned about scoring a point and more concerned about keeping the ball in play.

When the pattern is deeply familiar to each person in the relationship, they may not even by aware of how they respond and how their response can contribute to the frustration and misunderstanding.

How Can Therapy Help?

When you are in the middle of this cycle, it can feel exhausting, overwhelming and isolating. 

Therapy can enable you to step back from the cycle of conflict and to gain perspective on your situation.   It can facilitate greater self-awareness and help you to see the patterns more clearly and to have a better understanding of what is underneath the conflict.

It can enable you to look at how you might change your response.  If one person starts to do different steps in the dance or hits the ball with less force, this results in a changed pattern, a shift in the dynamic.

Making changes like this can enable more meaningful communication in the relationship, help to identify and address some of the root causes and build empathy and compassion.