What would life be like if you always had a supportive and loyal friend?  A friend who could comfort you when things get tough, encourage you when you need motivation or celebrate your achievements when you do well? What if that supportive friend could be you?

Many of us go through life being hard on ourselves.  We feel frustrated and impatient with ourselves when we get things wrong.  We can sometimes catch ourselves using harsh and critical language towards ourselves when we feel we have screwed up and made a mess of things.  Oftentimes we don’t even notice that the voice is there.  It is so habitual to be self-critical that we are not even aware of ourselves doing it.

I have found many of the clients I work with are hard on themselves in this way, although they are already dealing with some really challenging life circumstances.  They can still find themselves beating up on themselves, berating themselves for not being a better person, for not being good enough.

Where does this critical voice come from?  Perhaps you recognise it from your past where you had a parent or a teacher who was harsh and demanding?  You may not be able to precisely pin down the origins of this inner critic, but perhaps you can begin to notice when it’s there.

Many people think that if they drop this critical attitude, they are somehow letting themselves off the hook and they are at risk of feeling unmotivated and not reaching their goals.

And yet the research shows that giving yourself support and encouragement leads to more positive outcomes in life.  Treating yourself with compassion when you are struggling is going to help you not hinder you.

How can we do this ?

• Becoming mindful of the negative self-talk.
• Recognising that as human beings we all go through difficult times and you are not alone in your struggles.
• Instead of berating ourselves when we make mistakes, allow ourselves to learn from them.

Talking to a therapist can be one way of facilitating this process.    Like any changes you make in life, it can take practice and courage to develop this new way of being.  But with support and a willingness to change, I believe you can develop this capacity to become your own ally.